JUNE 15, 2022
EVERYBODY WANTS TO GO OUTSIDE: THE MUSIC VIDEO
Wow, what a crazy couple weeks it has been! I'm relieved to be on this side of it. I've been working on preparing for the music video for my next single (Everybody Wants to Go Outside) for more than 2 months! It was postponed multiple times because of covid cases, travel and finally a massive storm here in Miami that caused flash floods.
To prepare, I worked on choreography, styling, location scouting and the storyline with a great team here in Miami, but honestly, I still felt increasingly anxious approaching our 2 shoot days. I don't typically struggle with anxiety or stress, so I'm acutely aware when they enter the picture. I knew I needed to focus on preparing the best I could, getting rest, eating well, and doing my daily habits that keep me feeling cool, calm and collected: reading, meditating, journaling, exercising, etc.
Even while going through all my motions, I recognized I had this nagging fear of failure, so I prayed for help and guidance. That day the daily verse in the Bible app was about honor, being humble, and considering others more important than yourself, which helped me to shift my focus to being thankful for everybody who was working on this project with me, serving my needs, and helping make a beautiful video. It made me consider how I could I be kind, energetic and positive to affirm their efforts and energy rather than coming off stressed or anxious.
I went to bed early the night before the first shooting day and I woke up almost every hour of the night. I had the choreography running in my brain while I kept waking up in a panic that I didn't know what to do! At 2:37 am, (probably my 3rd time waking up), I looked at my phone to check the time and realized I still had a few hours to rest. I told my brain to chill, and that all I need to do when I wake up is go stretch, meditate and have a green juice- nothing to freak out about!
Shoot Day 1:
I finally woke up to my actual alarm and started getting ready for the day. I gave myself plenty of time to get into my flow and get my mind right without having to rush. I went to the first location for hair and makeup and met some of the crew for the first time. They were super cool and everyone was in a good mood, including myself.
Fast forward a couple hours to the second location where we're shooting. The set is looking great - the crew is almost finished tweaking the lights and staging the first scenes. We were using a dingy storage space for a cigar bar that we made into a pretty cool looking house scene. Then came the most negative, discouraging voices in my head ever! Thoughts like, "you're not good enough to do this," "you're going to look so amateur," "this is a waste," "you're never going to make it," "you look like a man." I mean, wow, talk about Negative Nancy. Who is that in my head??
It was so crazy. That is not how I think. I mustered all the confidence I could, looked my meanie, insecure, self-conscious, little ego devil in the face and said, "that is not acceptable! I will do my best and hope for the best." It was a long day, and we went over schedule by more than an hour. People were tired. By the end of it I felt so mentally and physically drained, somewhat defeated, and unsure if this video was going to turn out, but hopeful and determined because I still had another shoot day to finish up!
Shoot Day 2:
Hair and Makeup started at 4:30 am, so I woke up at 3 am to give myself time to meditate, read, stretch and have a green juice before heading out. I still didn't feel very confident. The artisan pizza I had the night before to feed my feelings (not the best choice, but it was delicious) didn't have time to digest because I had to go to bed so early, and I woke up feeling very heavy, but I kept my focus on the positive side.
The storyline of the video was changing today from the dark, stuck-in-the-house scene the day before, to a beautiful dream of an outdoor scene with sparkles on my face, dancers, and sunshine. It was as if someone had set me free, and by the end of the day I definitely felt set free.
The sense of relief, accomplishment, and excitement that flowed through me once I heard the words, "that's a wrap," gave me so much peace and joy. At that point I wasn't even worried about how the video will turn out. I was just so happy we made it through, checked all the boxes, and did all we could. We kept great attitudes, even if maybe on the inside we were fighting some demons. We conquered. I conquered. It wasn't easy, but we did it!
It's so crazy how our emotions can fluctuate. I'm glad to know that feelings stem from thoughts, so it's important to talk oneself through those moments of doubt, capturing every negative thought and replacing it with a new thought/belief that serves the ultimate goal.
"I can do this."
"My best is good enough."
"My gifts are not for me, they are for others."
"I expect this will turn out better than I imagined."
"I'm learning from these experiences and this is good."
I hope you will be encouraged next time you face a challenge that has you doubting or afraid of failure. You have the power... Everybody wants to go outside!
I can't wait to share this song and video with you.